Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
