omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
