I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
