I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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