just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
