she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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