im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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