I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
