1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
