i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
