you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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