There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
