Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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