to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
