if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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