I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Randomize
