he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
