i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
