can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
