We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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