when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
