He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
