meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
