hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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