I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
