You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
