But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
