Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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