so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
