I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
