walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
