you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
