you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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