If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
