I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
