we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
