Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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