I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
