Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
