you guys were way drunker than both of me
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
