He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
