Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
