so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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