I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
