You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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