All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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