I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
