I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
