Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
