me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
