drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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