One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
