The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
